Staying Positive

There is no sugar coating it: existence is harsh.  Life, for most of us, is a battlefield that we never leave until removed in a body-bag. The United Kingdom recently created a minister of loneliness.  The job of this office is to develop strategies that will help alleviate the feeling of being cut off from society: the sense of being alone or disengaged.  Particularly the elderly suffer from this affliction of isolation.

Staying positive - especially as we age - sounds easy.  There are self-help guides, fortune cookie platitudes and bumper sticker slogans that attempt to ease this burden.  But the only thing they produce is fleeting, temporary diversions.  They are poor substitutes for the ordeals, defeats and problematical challenges. They offer no real solutions to the puzzle that has vexed humankind since the debate on human existence began. 

The schools of Beit (house, in Hebrew) Shammai and Beit Hillel, the Talmud in Eruvin 13b records, were involved in just such a disputation. The scholars of Beit Shammai asserted that man would have been better off had he never been born.  But Beit Hillel insisted (at first, at least) that man was better off having been born. 

Although the Talmud records hundreds of arguments between the scholars of these two academies, this particular quarrel ended in an unusual resolution. After two-and-a-half years, Beis Hillel conceded and accepted Beis Shammai's position that man would indeed have been better off had he never been born. (But now that he has grudgingly been brought into this world let him make the best of it, they all concluded)

·        Find a why

One of the darkest periods of humankind, within human memory, is the Holocaust.  Many of those that survived the physical tortures still came out mentally damaged.  But what helped them survive and thrive, both in the camps and after their liberation, is finding a purpose to their lives.  You can endure the most dismal of inhumane conditions if you have a reason to continue living.

It is central to find a motivation for why you should continue living and being productive.  Even if it ersatz or delusional, it is better than nothing.  Remember, artificial sweeteners may not be the real thing, but it helps food and drinks taste better and fools the palate.

·        Live for the moment

We can’t be thankful all the time.  Thanksgiving only comes around once a year – and then we find ourselves shopping, binge-watching football, or eating. Little time is devoted to offering our thanks. But rather than wait for a day to celebrate our gratefulness, we can be thankful for small things that come our way, even if they are occasional.  Savor those precious moments.  Observe successes by doing things that make you happy.  Finishing a book, completing an assignment, or making a tough decision are all reasons to celebrate.  I would treat myself to ice cream after completing a studying a boring chapter - usually math related - that I know would be of no benefit to me in life, except for perhaps doing well on the exam.

·        Things are not critical

Don’t get attached to things.  Why be angry (at whom?) when things that are replaceable conk out? It hurts to lose items that are valuable but remember they are only things. Even things that are not replaceable – like heirlooms – are still just things.  There are more vital things to grieve about: the death of a friend, relative or partner.  There is agonizing, chronic pain and aging. We need to deal with those losses and hurts that a smiley face or a band-aid can’t undo the damage.  Have a hierarchy of those things that you could lose; learn what is crucial for existence and what is not.

·        Don’t wallow in self-pity

We all can indulge in massive doses of self-pity.  As a child, we learned to cry to get us the attention of at least one parent. We carry on that tradition into adulthood.  Our new motto ought to be “get over yourself.” Laugh, if not a belly laugh a chuckle, at your errors, bad life-choices, and other things that could potentially bring misery.

·        Become an accordion

When we were much younger, it was easy to find friends. You simply walked over to someone with similar interests and who had an identical personality and said, “Do you want to be my friend?”  You then cried together and laughed together. Eventually, the two of you formed a mind meld (sorry for my Stark Trek lingo) that made growing up much more tolerable.  We need to sustain such friendships regardless of our age. Companionship is a critical element in making life bearable.

The best way to deal with life is to have a balance (it need not be an even split) between your needs and engaging your talents to assist others. Create a space for yourself.  Alone time is OK; not everyone is a team player.  Devote a chunk of time for you to write poetry or to be creative.  But also devote time to others.

Have any thoughts on the issue? Share them with us at www.MatureAging.com, and we may post them (only after getting your permission) in a future edition.



Till next time,


Josh