As You Grow Older, Be Sure to Respect Yourself

We all want respect.

Yet somehow we get less of it as we get older.  Is it our imagination? Is it something we said? It must be just us? The young dislike us for getting old, reminding them that one day (if they are lucky) they too may become feeble, forgetful, and appear frozen – and that’s just the f’s. Most social scientists would agree that much of it is cultural. Americans are not as respectful of he elderly as they are in other cultures.

It may please us to know that those sitting in the front of the bus may be required to get up for a pregnant lady, or someone who is disabled or for an elderly person – but only if requested  In some cultures that “voluntary” giving up of one’s seat is self-understood.  No instructions need to be conspicuously placed at conspicuous and no announcements need to be repeated for the self-evident fact.  There is no public message to get off the bus in case it is engulfed in flames.

But that is because we live in America.

Part of the problem is that we usually choose to live far from our parents.  But in many societies – such as Quakers in the U.S. – the community is built around the interaction of several generations.  Everyone –up to four generations at times – live under the same roof.  Each contributes what they can to the social harmony of the family.  Such types of living arrangements are very often neglected and not sought out.  We are ashamed of our “elderly grandparents” and are happiest when they are out of sight, if not out of mind.

No one would, I hope, suggest that we engage in a “voluntary death”  - where the elderly asks a close relative to euthanize them or set out for a suicidal trip.  Such an egregious activity is part of a culture where living conditions are harsh.  In the U.S., such mercy killings are illegal.  But all too often the neglect that seniors receive at the hands of those they cared for as youngsters are shameful.

In many societies – most notably Asian – to be old is a sign of wisdom and experience, and not something to be ashamed off. 

We give both spouses opportunism to spend the first few months of a child’s life with them by offering paternity leave.  China also gives children the opportunity to spend time with their elderly parents.  We spend a significant portion of our GNP on hospitalization, yet Scotland also devotes an almost equal amount to preventive care, focusing on values and other intangibles dear to seniors.

Respecting ones’ elders is not just a religious commitment – as it has become for many in the U.S. – but a sentiment that needs to be nurtured among the young.

Unfortunately, when the elderly recommend measures for such a transition it is viewed as self-interest, such a project must be initiated and maintained by those well south of their retirement.

The youth is not the only culprit.  The elderly too share in this national disgrace. The problem is that we venerate youth.  Look at all the monies spent on merchandise that will make you look younger.  It is one thing to want to healthier; we all do.  But being younger itself has been elevated to be a virtue.   The problem isn’t the advertisements inserted by the merchandiser.  We are the ones that request such branding.

We die our grey hair, remove wrinkles and age spots, and many more cosmetic enhancements.  We may also wear clothes that are inappropriate for our age.  There isn’t much we wouldn’t do to give the appearance that we are younger. We may also wear clothes that are inappropriate for our age, just to give the appearance that we a re younger.

But that is because we live in America.

Part of the problem is that we usually choose to live far from our parents. Yet in many societies – such as Quakers in the U.S. – the community is built around the interaction of several generations.  Everyone –up to four generations at times – live under the same roof.  Each contributes what they can to the social harmony of the family.  Such types of living arrangements are very often neglected and certainly not sought out.  We are ashamed of our “elderly grandparents” and are happiest when they are out of sight, if not out of mind.

In many societies – most notably Asian – to be old is a sign of wisdom and experience, and not something to be ashamed off. 

We give both spouses opportunism to spend the first few months of a child’s life with them by offering paternity leave.  China also gives children the opportunity to spend time with their elderly parents.  We spend a significant portion of our GNP on hospitalization, yet Scotland also devotes an almost equal amount to preventive care, focusing on values and other intangibles dear to seniors.

Respecting ones’ elders is not just a religious commitment – as it has become for many in the U.S. – but a sentiment that needs to be nurtured among the young.

Unfortunately, when the elderly recommend measure for such a transition t is viewed as self-interest, such a project must be initiated and maintained by those well south of their retirement.